Everything and nothing
by detective-smartypants
Summary: Jane Rizzoli has suffered an unbearable loss and, in the wake, finds herself without her husband. Completely alone, she turns to the one person who's never walked away: Maura Isles. Rizzles.


_**A/N: **_** I've had this story in my head for a long time now and I just thought, hey, it's not like I already have two stories on the go or anything, is it? Sudden muse + 3am depressing playlist = this. It's gonna be a tough one to write because, although the aim of the game is **_**always **_**Rizzles, I have to include some *whispers* **_**Jane and Casey **_**to get to there. So be patient, grasshoppers, and remember Rizzles is **_**always **_**the endgame. Maybe. Possibly. **_**Definitely. **_

**I do not own Rizzoli and isles, and if i did there'd be no reason to write this story because Jane and Maura would have sucked it up and said 'I love you' about four seasons ago. **

**Ejoy and review! **

_"Casey, c'mon get that thing out of my face." Jane laughs, covering her face with her hands. _

_She's wearing a pair of sweatpants and a paint stained oversized BPD T-shirt that covers her swollen belly and she's laying down on the floor of Maura's Yoga room. Maura is sitting down on a yoga mat in front of her with a gentle smile on her face, giggling. The camera shifts as he sits it down on a table so that it can focus on Jane's face. Her hair is in a messy bun on top of her head and her skin is glowing and soft. She turns to look at the camera and sighs. _

_"It's filming?" _

_"Yup." _

_"Okay," She says and turns herself around so that she can focus. "Your daddy is a pain in the A-S-S" _

_"Jane!" Maura laughs. _

_"What? I'm just tellin' it like it is." She says and then she shakes her head and straightens her posture. "Daddy wants to film the _entire _pregnancy so that we can watch back on it with you one day when you're older. He says it might be good for you to see us before we became mommy and daddy, but I think he just wants to watch these videos whenever we're not together." _

_Caseys face appears in the frame and he takes a seat next to Jane on the floor. "What's wrong with wanting to see my beautiful wife when I'm not around her?" _

_He leans in for a kiss and Jane shakes her head, laughing. "No kissing on the camera." _

_The camera is being picked up and turned around and Maura is smiling into the lens. "Auntie Maura here," She says. "Your parents love each other very much, little one. They're so excited about your arrival, I've never seen your mom smile this much." _

_The lens is facing Jane again and she's smiling up at Casey, holding his hand. _

_"We're gonna be a mommy and daddy, how crazy is that?" _

The screen goes bright blue and silent and Jane's finger hovers over the rewind button, but she puts the remote down on the coffee table instead and stares at the TV, the tears in her eyes making the screen swim. She hates herself for digging these DVDs out, but she can't stop herself from the personal torture.

She rewinds the tape a little and pauses it on her face, looking up at Casey with a smile on her face. It's easy to think, by looking at the gleam in both of their eyes, that they were in love. Maybe sometime, a long time ago, they _thought _they were. But even then, when she was smiling and laughing and carrying their child in her belly, she was never truly happy. Not really. She was excited to be a mother, sure, and she was glad that Casey was going to be there to support her and the child for the rest of her life, but Jane remembers the nagging in the pit of her stomach that never went away. She remembers laying awake at night, wondering how she was supposed to last the rest of her life with this man that she sort of liked a lot, but never really _loved. _

The only person that ever truly knew about this was Maura and, even then, Jane had never talked about it out loud. But Maura had recently informed her that she'd always known Jane was a little scared and a little reluctant, she'd just never thought it was her place to say anything about it.

She hates herself for being mad at Maura for her honesty. She was just being telling Jane the truth, but she can't help but be a little angry about her best friend keeping her thoughts to herself when Jane was jumping head first into marriage and children and their first home together.

Was Maura judging her all that time? Thinking she was a mug for letting him back in? Thinking she was stupid for even _thinking _that they could do it?

She sighs and opens up what is about to be her third bottle of beer in the past two hours and then stares at herself on the TV.

Everything about that time had seemed a lot more simple. Even having a child wasn't scaring her, in fact she'd been over the moon once she'd gotten over the initial shock because she loved kids and she had always secretly wanted to be called mommy and she'd always wanted to be woken up to a little child shaking her in the morning. She'd always wanted some semblance of normalcy and she was happy to have it, she really was. She just sort of wished it hadn't been with Casey.

On the screen, Jane's face is gleaming with joy. She's resting one hand on her swollen belly and another in Caseys hand, looking up at him mid way through a laugh and she has never seen herself look this relaxed.

_look at me now_ she thinks, finishing off the stale bottle of beer. _Got absolutely nobody. _

She turns of the screen and goes to bed, but doesn't sleep until 4am.

_"I think i'm pregnant." _

_Maura doesn't say anything for a moment, her face is a picture of shock as she studies the detectives tearful features and she flicks her eyes between her hands and her eyes, completely stunned. _

_But then she clears her throat and straightens her posture. "Have you taken a test?" _

_Jane nods her head slowly and the first tear trickles down her cheek. "I fucked up, Maur." she whispers. _

_But Maura shakes her head and makes her way around the table between them to be at her friends side. "No, don't think like that, honey. It's going to be okay, okay?" _

_Jane nods her head and wipes a stray tear away from her cheek with the back of her hand. "But what am I supposed to do?" _

_Maura places her hand on Janes shoulder and smiles. "Anything that you want to do, Jane. You figure it out and we'll all be right here supporting you." _

_"I can't." Jane chokes, trying to suppress a strangled sob. "I can't keep it, Maura, I can't….I can't raise a baby alone and Casey isn't coming back, I-I-" _

_"You're going to be okay," Maura says, and Jane has never heard her this calm, even though her voice shakes just a notch at the end of her sentence. "It's going to be okay." _

_"It is?" _

_Maura smiles. "It is." _


End file.
